The Festive Season and the New Year – most people think family, food, holiday and being proud of the year behind them, or thankful that the year is behind them and filled with hope for the New Year. And most people are excited the first week of January – it’s a time of renewed goals, starting to go to the gym/going back there, eating cleaner – a positive time.
For me there is something absolutely disappointing and discouraging about this time of year. And the first month of the year for me is often the most depressing; because I know I have another year ahead, filled with thousands of activities and obligations and exhaustion and people pleasing and meetings and pettiness and irritating people or situations and disappointments.
Wow – now that I have dragged you into the abyss –RED ALERT we have a #DebbieDowner over here – allow me to explain. I love Christmas and holidays and FOOD etc. But there is the heavier side to things and I am not just talking about my weight 😉 from all the extra bubbles and berries and Oh, My Sparkle Balls, I’ve been glugging down and packing-in.
The Heavier Side …
Hate is a strong word and it is a boring word. I deplore, abhor, loathe, dislike and even boring old hate it when people don’t give their all in every situation. Don’t get me wrong – nit-picky perfectionists also irritate me. But I just can’t handle people that aren’t fully committed to giving their best in relationships, work, hobbies and volunteering. The type of people that hardly bother to make an effort.
For example, when you are celebrating someone’s birthday, and you can just see a person prefers to receive (cake, treats, party favours) rather than give attention or what have you to the birthday person and make their day special. And, this is the type of person that will give a free sample as birthday gift, not because they are cash strapped; but because they just don’t bother. This is also the first person you rightfully suspect when you go out for supper with friends and your bill is “short” somehow; even when everyone else has put in a R500 tip each…
Or people that seriously suffer from the easy-way-out syndrome – eeeow. Or people that are related to the easy-way-out syndromers – who just give up, after committing to something because it isn’t “fun” anymore. This is also the type of person that answers maybe to all events because they like keeping their options open, even if it makes it inconvenient or difficult for the host.
But wait isn’t this post about this time of year being difficult? So, what is this post really about? Well on the opposite spectrum of the easy-way-outers and the I’ll-only-do-it-while-it-serves-me crowd are the people who care too much. The people that everyone always says: “I can always count on you” to. The people/care-bears who immediately volunteer or rush in when the easy-way-outers and the I’ll-only-do-it-while-it-serves-me disappear. These people sound great, right? Like a fluffy pillow and blankie on a cold and rain day 🙂 … BUT their actions are just as wrong, as the it’s-all-about-me-susans and self-serving-simons.
These care-bears collect projects, responsibilities, people and roles throughout the year – for some it is about pleasing others, for others it is a false sense of responsibility to fix things, and for others it might be because they can’t settle for “average” (so they’ll rather do it themselves, which is a form of pride), also known as the “control-freaks”.
These care-bears when or if collecting people to support or look after, often do it because of an urge to be looked after themselves and sometimes care more about the people’s well-being, than they themselves do.
Kate dates imbeciles. Like seriously one after the other she dates con-artists, wife-beaters, the scum of the earth and Kate gets her heart broken every time. Anna is a people pleaser and a collector of people and projects. She tries harder than Kate to change Kate’s mind, and more importantly taste in men. To the point of exhaustion, Anna does everything she can, including setting Kate up with decent men – but Kate doesn’t show up for the dates or the therapy sessions that Anna also scheduled for her. But goes to the casino to “hook-up” and “have a nice time”… Anna keeps trying, praying, fighting for Kate… but she is now booked off for burnout, depression and hives… and Kate is dating a dude recently released from prison, Charles Manson or Ted Bundy or something-and-other …
Who is the true fool in this scenario? Kate and her questionable taste in criminals? Or Anna Care-Too-Much-People-Pleasing-Bear?
It all sounds good and well but care-bears can go overboard and lead and live an unbalanced life. This is the ultimate recipe for slow-roasted discouragement, infused with depression, seasoned with resentment, peppered with anger and finished off with exhaustion. Which, takes me back to the beginning of this blog post – care-bears often feel exhausted by the time the Festive Season rolls along and feel like the New Year will be exhausting, which it will be if they don’t change.
I am not suggesting that people stop caring about others and don’t step in when help is needed at work/home/volunteering place etc. What I am condemning is people giving too much of themselves to the point of becoming and feeling ill, living their lives to please others, suffering from an approval addiction and feeling like they are never enough – no wonder some people (like me) find this time more woe, woe, woe than ho, ho, ho.
So, what is the answer to the care-bears? Seek help and just stop. Don’t make 2018 another miserable struggle of year if it is in your control to change it.
My step in the right direction? Reading the Approval Fix by Joyce Meyer. And already my woe’s are turning into ho’s (the right kind that is). I dare the other care-bears to do the same.