An Introvert’s Dramatic Guide to Bounce Fit

I am an introvert. And at some point this year (about the time resolutions are made), I became aware of the fact that I’m sick of yo-yo, slo-mo and joe-shmo dieting, and exercising until near death as punishment for being a wicked-weekend-eater. I thought there must be an end to this psychotic cycle?!

So, my first step was – let’s go see a dietician. This would be a piece of cake – a skinny cake. But cake, nonetheless. I can do diets. I have been on one since I was ten and the Blood Type Diet was the thing. So heck – this can’t be hectic. I expected a strict diet, but I was met with intuitive eating (this is a blog topic for another day) – eek.

Anyhoo fast forward six (procrastinating) months later…

Part two of my journey (and part of my dietician’s advice) was to exercise for FUN (as bloody if)! I needed to see exercise as a celebration of my life and not to punish myself for eating carbs or fats or whatever the fad diet of the second, villainised.

So, I started trawling (not trolling) the Google machine for “fun exercise not at the gym”. Because I hate exercising at the gym! And if you like exercising at the gym, I hate you (kidding or am I?). Amongst many (some not so good suggestions) – I found Bounce.

Jumping on the trampoline while exercising sounds fun right? But now, look back to my blog title. I am a staunch introvert. I am awkward. I feel super vulnerable when doing new things and, to be honest – I don’t like publicly doing something that I am not good at. To put it mildly, I have a healthy sense of self-preservation.

So, I did what every self-respecting introvert would do – I asked another introvert to come to Bounce with me. We immediately booked and paid for it, before we came to our senses.

The big day arrives…

Our anxiety levels are spiked as we make our way to the reception/till-area. Everyone working at Bounce looks like they are young, fresh and have been on a Red Bull drip (must be the endorphins).

We are asked if we have been to Bonce Fit – heck, we haven’t even been to Bounce (forget the fit bit) and the safety procedures are explained to us. Some memorable bits are that we should only jump on the black bits (the trampoline essentially), jump with both feet and one person per trampoline. Shan-nan-na – we got this. We take our jumping socks and go to “Dodge Ball 2” (the place where the fitness bouncing happens).

Things circulate in our head as we wait for the 6pm class – will many people be joining us? What if I pee-my-pants? What if I die? What if I fall and chip my tooth?

6pm comes way too quickly and our very sprightly, the right-side-of-25-year-old instructor says hello and moves us to the front of the class – where the seasoned veterans can witness our assured humiliation.

Before we start – the safety procedures are explained for the third time and then we start bouncing aka jumping. As I start jumping, I have the unfortunate realisation that I don’t like this feeling of being out of control. After about a minute of star jumps (amongst many other types), the feeling was swiftly replaced with “Oh my frigid trampoline, I am tired”.

But wait-wait – we haven’t just joined the fitness class – but the core fitness class. This means that besides jumping like a drunk Irish banshee on the trampoline, we stop in between and do jump squats, push-ups, downward dogs, crazy-ass sit-ups, donkey kicks, heil-Hitlers (yes, I just made that up), the splaying whale (that too) and back jumps (where you use your core to gain momentum and bounce on your back – in my case you lie on your back with your legs in the air and wait until the instructor tells you, it is time for the next exercise).

And then we banshee-hop again and then do another round of diabolical core, leg, and arm exercises (all aimed at the poor core). And just before death is imminent – we start the cooldown.

When ‘death’ was imminent…

Despite my dismal performance (I can’t speak for my friend’s form), our instructor gives me a double high-five and says well done! I felt like a million bucks; a tired million bucks but who cares, right?

Once the class officially ends and I fall out of Dodge Ball 2, I am slightly deaf in my left ear and thankful I didn’t pee my pants; I can’t really walk (sea legs) but I laughed until I choked on spit, sweat and tears and enjoyed every single painful, gruelling moment. And my friend and I decided then and there, we would be joining the classes weekly – it’s affordable, truly fun and the instructors encourage you but don’t break you.

To see how the experts do Bounce Core fitness (please note this video showcases the seasoned veteran types):

So, where is the guide to Bounce Fit?

#1 You are on your own – each time is a different experience

#2 What happens in Bounce Class stays in Bounce Class

#3 Wear black pants

#4 Pee before you go

#5 Do it with a buddy (accountability partner)

#6 If you are an introvert – don’t worry – you stop caring within two minutes

#7 Laugh at yourself

#8 Don’t give up

Not a fan of exercise? Or an introvert? Let us know in the comments below if you have a story, opinion or something funny to share.

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