Working through my creative constipation

The year corona hit South Africa’s shore is the year that I wrote the least blogs ever. I know the year isn’t over and at this moment it is that year, but I don’t think I am going to meet my blog a week quota with less than two months until we say “five, four, three, two, one – happy New Year”.

TBH (“to be honest” for the “traditional” folk) I have been struggling to write but desperate to write. Like wanting to express myself but having nothing to squeeze out (basically creatively constipated). I used to write a blog a week, then once every two weeks, then once a month and then once every two months. And this irks me. I feel like a slacker. I feel like I am not committed enough to the sparkle cause. I feel like I’m letting myself down and my three readers down. I feel like I’m letting my dream and passion die. I feel paralysed. I feel like I don’t do enough, that the topics are not interesting or valuable enough. That the pieces I write have lost their Sparkle Ellieness. Sometimes I feel numb and feel guilt stemming from nowhere. And I think how is it possible to feel so much?!

But when I sat down and thought about my “constipation” and “feelings” – I realised writers, creatives, empaths, and humans with feelings are struggling to create beauty, love and light with so much suffering. So many people have lost their jobs, loved ones, their joy, their focus, their savings, and some their lives. It’s depressing. Sad. Heartbreaking. Paralysing. Stunning (not in a good way – like stun gun stunning). But amongst such heaviness – there are so many lessons to be learnt, things to be grateful for and opportunities to reach out and help others. And with that plot twist to the blog – I would like to “unblock” my system and share some things that I have learnt during this spectacularly difficult year.

Perfection is a trap

Everything does not need to be perfect. This doesn’t mean you don’t give a 100 percent plus a bar of soap in everything you do. But sometimes it is more important to be present in your loved one’s lives than to smash that cake, your goals, your blog, your life and so forth and so on – with “ection” perfection. Be present.

Enjoy life

(Sorry for the choice of image vegans.)

Life is truly short. Like shorter than a lit match. And that makes life too short not to enjoy it. Eat good food. Exercise. Get your hair done. Go for coffee. Do little things. Do big things. But make sure you do something at least once a day that you enjoy. Schedule it in. It is important because the reality is we are all dying. And nobody knows which day will be their last. Or the best friend or loved one’s last. So, cherish every breath you take.

Feel through awkwardness

Life is a series of awkward moments (especially if you are an introvert). Learn to laugh at embarrassing moments and just go through your awkward feelings. Don’t meditate on your shortcomings for too long and stop replaying events over and over.

Remind yourself of the truth and still the negative voices in your head

Remind yourself you are enough, you are worthy, you are blessed, you make a difference. You have the ability to create wealth and to prosper. Don’t believe any internal voices that contradict these truths.

Don’t put the world on your shoulders

So many people are going through the most. Do what you can to help others but don’t feel like you have to solve all your loved ones’ and your community’s problems. Don’t collect worries and don’t play what-if scenarios in your head. Bathing in misery or playing the hero and of course playing the victim are all addictions.

Ask for help

Don’t be ashamed. If you need help, ask.

Say no

Learn to keep your boundaries firmly in place and say no without having to give an explanation.

You are what you speak

You are what you speak. So, speak the truth. Speak life. Speak kindly to and about yourself. And speak light and love into the world.

Express your fears

By speaking your fears aloud half the battle is won. And sharing your fears with someone you can trust can lighten your burdens even more. Be vulnerable and authentic with the right people – it’s soothing and empowering.

Let go

Let go of toxic thoughts, situations and habits that don’t serve you and your loved ones. This is the one year we need to evaluate our lives and make changes. #Yolo truly applies.

How has locked down and the Coronavirus affected you? Any lessons learnt or emotions felt during this time? Can you relate to creative constipation? Please share in the comments or social media.

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